Last article I went over a couple drink choices that the majority of us have been unfortunate enough to imbibe. Hey, everyones been with a couple of 5s in their lifetime (well not me, but i’m sure you have). In this article, we’re gonna work on stepping your game up. Specifically, the world of IPAs a.k.a. “LIQUID F-ING AWESOME”!!!
WARNING: This next part might be educational . . . only slightly.
The beer world is basically broken up into 2 main categories. Lagers and Ales. Lagers are pretty much any beer you’ve seen a commercial for. Bud, Coors, Coronas and any other beer that has a light complexion and has a lighter, smoother flavor is a lager. These beers are brewed at lower temperatures and usually have a lower alcohol content, which sucks. Ales, especially IPAs, use a different type of yeast and are brewed at a higher temperature and usually yield a MUCH higher alcohol content. Most IPAs will run from 5%-7.8% Alcohol but some Double IPAs can get up to 14% which is why this beverage is . . . “LIQUID F-ING AWESOME”
Now the bro in you might be screaming, “I’ll just get a 40 of that steelie, Man!” Well “Man”, what if I told you, that you could be drinking a beer with a ridiculously high alcohol content that didn’t taste like you were drinking quarters from the floor of a peep show? Is that something you might be interested in? IPAs are the ultimate in flavor preservation in the beer world. In the 1700’s the British wanted to brew a beer that would not taste like shit while sailing to India, hence the name IPA (Indian Pale Ale). How did they make this amazing brew that could stand the test of time without the taste of excrement? By bro-ing the fuck out on it and upping the alcohol content, adding more hops . . . AND MORE ALCOHOL BRO! Pretty badass if you ask me.
IPAs usually aren’t for those that have a weak ass pallet, which means they are VERY flavorful. Each brewery uses their own concoction of different shit to make their IPAs unique, but a good rule of thumb is most IPAs will be a bit bitterer, robust and citrusy than you’re use to and most importantly they will get you drunk a lot faster. More bang for your buck, du.
Don’t really know if you like IPAs? Well stop being a pussy and try one. A good place to start is with the Sierra Nevada Brewing Company. The standard Sierra Nevada you can pick up at any grocery store is a PALE ALE. Not quite Swagtastic but getting close. It’ll be less robust, less flavorful and less alcoholic than an IPA but still good non-the-less. Once you’ve sacked up to that, Sierra Nevada makes an awesome IPA called Torpedo. Great flavor, citrusy, and not too filling. It also boasts a 7.2% ABV rating which is stronger than most malt liquors, except it actually tastes good. If you’re feeling really brave you can try to get your hands on a brand called Dogfish Head. They make an exceptional 90 minuet Double IPA which has an insane 9%ABV rating. I recommend the 90 minuet because it seems the 120 minuet (which can a 15%-20% ABV rating) is illegal in CA. That’s how badass it is.
Personally, the best IPA i’ve ever had was called Piny the Elder. It hits the Trifecta of Swag as far as I (The Bro King) am concerned.
Reasons being?
1. It’s made by The Russian River Brewing Company which is a Northern California brewery based in Santa Rosa. Local = SWAG.
2. It has an 8% ABV rating. Basically means every 12oz of this is like 19oz of a regular beer . . . That’s fucking science.
3. And most importantly is Taste. Pliny is Floral, citrusy, piney and downright mother f-ing delicious. This beer tastes like making out with a Victoria’s Secret Model in a sun lit meadow in the middle of Spring. It’s good!
The only problem with this beer is that it is hard as hell to find. Commonly called a “cult beer”, this delicious nectar of the gods can only be found at select liquor stores that can guarantee refrigeration the entirety of the beer’s existence. No sitting in a back room or on a dusty shelf. Straight from the refrigerated delivery truck to a refrigerated display case. The brewery also does not make regular delivery of Pliny. So when you call one of the stores that is suppose to have it and they don’t really know when the next shipment is coming in, it’s not because your level of swag isn’t up to par (which it probably isn’t), or they’re being elitist and think you don’t deserve this beer in your belly (which you probably don’t), it’s really because they don’t fucking know. If you ever see this liquid remedy, buy it immediately and grab me one too. Don’t be fucking selfish, dog.
In conclusion you are welcome for yet another insight into how to make you life better through alcohol. Make sure to check out the other sections to step up you gear, fitness and travel game as well. Next time I would like to do an article about wine, but as I said before, I’m a recovering bro . . . only wine I’ve ever had has come from a bag. So instead of that guaranteed hangover shit, we’ll be going over Gin. Yes gin, it’s not just for chicks anymore.
Swag out with your bag out,
Guak Du
The Swagologist 